Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 
24-Hour Party People

As I sit here in the growing stagnation that is the humid Kitchener air, I cannot help but marvel at how much of last night I can remember. From what I do recall, things started to get fuzzy after that half a beer, which was preceded by a rum & Coke, a rye & Coke, and six shooters.

I recall sucking beer foam out from the neck of the beer bottle with a straw. I likewise recall being told not to suck up the excess beer off the table with my straw, since I really didn't know where that table had been.

And there are some vague recollections of nearly knocking myself out as I danced with/molested a dance pole, and wanting to steal a friend's really cool Indiana Jones fedora--it really was cool, and everyone was disturbed by how good I looked in it and how I bore an odd resemblance to Harrison Ford as Indy.

There was also the fact that Mel cut my drinks off after that last shooter, and had us leave early (and by early, I mean early in the morning, about 1am) so she could take full sexual advantage of me in my inebriated state.

It's amazing how cognizent I am while drunk. Although I am also more incoherent than usual, which unto itself is a frightening concept. (See, cognizent means I recognized the fact that I was growing more incoherent. And thus ends drinking lesson #1 for the day.)

So just what inspired this trip down to a club located near the University of Waterloo, called (of all possible things) Phil's. Well, unexpectedly my sister and her fiance showed up in town. They were visiting a number of friends and hoping that we could hang out with them at Phil's in the evening. So after I got off work, Mel & I headed over...and you already know mostly what transpired over the course of the next few hours.

And after a year of having my Age of Majority ID card, I finally got to use it. What a concept! Should I be bewildered that this remains the only place I've ever actually been asked to show ID, despite the countless trips I've made to R-Rated movies and LCBO stores.

This event marks not only the first time I've been quite impressively sauced (though I think I was only two out of a four potential sheets to the wind), but also the second of a parade of parties occurring one day after the next. This past Thursday, Canada Day was celebrated watching fireworks on the beach with Gary, Em & Jason. Lots of festiveness was had.

Then Friday morning Mel, Shady & I left Toronto. I got dropped off at work for the afternoon/evening shift, only to head right out afterwards to Phil's. I didn't see much of the apartment at all yesterday.

Today there's going to be even more celebrating with friends as a bunch of us get together to perform high acts of geekery. Provided 'geekery' is even a word. If not, I stand supreme as it's creator! Ah, the English language is such a wonderful thing to manipulate accordingly to my whims.

But I digress.

What sort of geekery, you might ask? Well, it's a "CSI Night." A co-worker just bought the CSI boardgame (which looks like a more complicated version of Clue), so we will be drinking and playing the game. I'll also be bringing along the 3 seasons of CSI I have. I rejoice in my DVD box sets! I've already made the shortlist of the screwiest episodes to break people with...ha ha.

And then Sunday, celebrating will be had with friends amidst partying and going to watch Spiderman 2.

Life is good. Drinking and partying with great friends & family is even better. The hangover, however, I can do without. I suppose this is the thorn to the rose that is carousing with friends. (Is this where I get the naughty finger-wagging of sobriety and justice waggled at me again?)

Today's Lesson: John Lennon was right when he said, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." That doesn't necessarily mean that what happens is altogether unwelcomed. Sometimes even the little bits of nowhere you were planning on sharing will have to inevitably be bumped aside as other unexpected things pop up.

Today's "State the Obvious" Moment: when you are driving down the Danforth in Toronto, through Greektown, and suddenly your car finds itself being charged by large stampeding hordes of fans secreaming, cheering and waving Greek flags, do you think that the Greek World Cup soccer team just scored a goal?

The "Go Out And Buy His CD, Dammit!" Plug of the Day: robdougan.com You'll even recognize some of the tunes as having been used in all the Matrix movies and trailers.

Today's Death Clock Notice: according to the Death Clock (www.deathclock.com), which foretells my death as being Monday, Octover 16th, 2062, I have (as of typing this) 1,839,227,385 seconds left to live.

1,839,227,384...
1,839,227,383...

This could take a while.

posted by Phillip at 12:03 PM

 
As Seen On Spam

It's always interesting to check out my junk box, and find an Email frantically proclaiming to me: bewilderment. 'A mad German Admittedly it sounds like a really bad title to a cheesy mecha-based Anime. Although the 'bewilderment' part does aptly describe my reaction when I saw it.

On Our Next Little Bit of Nowhere: gravity vs. popcorn, and cheese cracker dresses.


posted by Phillip at 7:55 AM

 
Paste and Booze and Useless Milestones. (Oh My!)

As my little bit of nowhere was loading up tonight, it presented me with an interesting little tidbit: this is the 201st bit of nowhere! So uncork your champagne bottles (or barring that, the bottle of Corona beer you've got somewhere in the back of your fridge) and celebrate!

Come on, when it comes to drinking, you don't really need an impressive excuse to celebrate!

And somewhere out there, I'm getting the naughty finger-wagging for somehow helping promote rampant alcoholism. I'd argue that Lewis Carrol remains a more impressive operative for that sort of thing. I mean, think about it: would the Mad Hatter and March Hare really act that way if it was merely tea they were drinking?

And so, as Mel blows bubbles into the kitchen and Shay tries to catch or lick as many of them as she can, I'll run off on a tangent. Today at work found me amused by several moments.

The first was an elderly lady, very sweet and quiet, singing to herself as she casually shopped for purses. I have to admit that it was one of the most pleasant customer experiences I've ever had, and not much interaction happened between her and I.

And then there was this. A young lady came into the store today looking at handing in a resume. After she dropped it off and left, I took a quick glance at it. On the very first line, under the "Objective" category, she had written this. And I quote:

Objective - I am looking to work in a fast paste industry.

When she read this, my manager broke down into giggles for a few minutes. I'm sure you already have too. Ah, the wonders of when the English language breaks down in a horrible, smoking mess. I wonder if a computer grammar-checker would have caught this, since God knows a spellchecker wouldn't have.

Today's Lesson: there are few things more endearing or entertaining than in watching a Shih-tzu happily chase after a legion of soap bubbles.


posted by Phillip at 6:45 PM

 
The Dog's Hair Blog

This past weekend, Kevin & Donna got married. It was a very pretty outdoor ceremony held in her parent's backyard, complete with fountains of running water, a festive flower garden and shady pavillion for them to stand under. Very beautiful, very touching, and pleasantly very short.

And then there was Donna's uncle, who happily strolled through the crowds, offering us all a shot of homemade brandy. Damned good, homemade brandy. Damned good, homemade brandy that could blow an engine manifold out of a car if it was used as fuel substitute.

This was only a foretoken of things to come. Between the epic pieces of roast pork and delicious roast lamb, the open bar (where Mel rejoiced with many bottles of Hard Cranberry and beer that she didn't have to drive later that night)and the dancing, I'm sure there was a wedding reception somewhere in there.

There are a few things I recall: Donna toting around the Eeyore plushie she got amongst her wedding presents; Kevin casually threatening bodily harm to any toasters who might air out all his embarrassing stories for all to hear; the wedding cake being more or less gone by the time I went up for a slice, so I took all the icing that had fallen off during the cuttings--and that amounted to a small mountain of pure sugar on my plate; seeing a group of Slavic people dancing to "Yatta!"; and seeing Roupen adding a second garter to what looks to be the start of a collection.

Sunday was spent recovering from Friday and Saturday. I recall spending most of it shuffling around in half-vegetable mode, barely even able to look at a Jos Louie without feeling my stomach twitch. (However, brunch at The Old English Parlour definitely garners a return visit to that restaurant.)

It certainly didn't help that Mel & I had to cut short the Sunday afternoon party dedicated to present opening (aka, "the booty count") so I could attend a skip-out-on-this-and-we-will-kill-you staff meeting for work. The last thing I wanted or needed was 2 hours of gut-churning boredom.

So, after a near twelve hours of sleep and a shower, I'm feeling relatively normal and have spent the entire morning catching up on an Inbox threatening to overflow with unanswered mail. But, it was all worth it.

Now, if only I could call in delerious for work today...


Today's Grammatical Question: if 'blowjob' is one word then does it classify as a compound word? (Ah, the things we get asked by friends who are studying to become teachers...)

posted by Phillip at 7:56 AM